I came across this link this morning for a guide to the various "services" run on Windows XP. Reading through the list and the author's suggestions, I realized that nearly half of the services I was running were unneccessary for my setup (indeed, many appear to be unneccessary period) and, after disabling a number of them, managed to free up 60+ megs of RAM. More importantly, a number of the services are potentially open to malicious use by hackers and other doers of animal molestation.

Check it out here, but remember, proceed at your own risk, and if Windows screws up, don't blame me or the author. It's probably best to create a System Restore point before you change anything.

I got my review copy of Aladdin (R2 UK Platinum Edition) this morning. After the mess that was the Platinum Edition of The Lion King, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Aladdin is largely free of manipulation. As far as I can tell, none of the animation this time round has been modified, and the colours have been transferred faithfully. Furthermore, the original Walt Disney Pictures logo and scrolling end credits have been maintained (although some additional credits have been added for the DVD restoration and remix). That said, one slight change has been made to the film's audio: Aladdin's muttered off-screen line "Good kitty, take off and go", which certain Christian convervatives decided was actually "Good teenagers, take off your clothes", has been altered so that the final few syllables are muted. Personally I don't think that this modification was necessary, but if it stops the moral minority from whining, then it will at least have achieved some good. Perhaps, now that Disney have done such a good job with this release of Aladdin, they can re-release The Lion King with their vandalism corrected.

The extras are also quite a bit better than those of The Lion King. While they are still somewhat episodic in nature, the different segments are now a bit longer and a "Play All" button has thankfully been included. There are still too many kids' games, but overall I'm a lot more satisfied by the bonus content on this release.

Part 1 of an exclusive interview with Ren & Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi has been posted at Cartoon Brew.

The Wes Craven Collection (R2 UK) arrived from DVD Times today, for review. This is yet another multi-disc box set that comes in its official packaging, that I can keep. Most review copies tend to just be discs in plastic wallets.

This set contains a BBFC-raped version of The Last House on the Left (missing 31 seconds of footage), The Hills Have Eyes, Mind Ripper and the R-rated version of Scream on loan from Buena Vista. It also has a bonus disc featuring an interview with Wes Craven and Adam Simon's excellent documentary The American Nightmare, which I previously saw on BBC in its unexpurgated form (it's trimmed slightly to remove some material from the Last House on the Left clip). Given that I already own superior copies of Scream and The Hills Have Eyes (the one in this set is only disc 1 of the usual 2-disc set), and Mind Ripper is reportedly terrible, the one I was really interested in seeing was The Last House on the Left.

Not to put too fine a point on it, it's not a very good movie. It's badly shot, but that's not a huge problem as it makes the material seem more raw. However, it does have some incredibly ill-judged moments, including a truly dreadful country/folk music soundtrack and some ridiculously stupid scenes of a pair of bumbling cops indulging in various forms of slapstick while two poor girls are being molested and wounded only a few hundred yards away. The finale, in which the parents of one of the girls take revenge on the villains, is hilariously silly and would make more sense in something like Home Alone (only without the murder and penis-biting). I know I didn't see the full version of the film, but I very much doubt that the missing 31 seconds could have improved on it to a substantial degree. It was okay, I suppose (a handful of moments were actually quite horrifying), but any segment that could have had any lasting power was negated by being placed in between shots of overweight cops falling over, timed to country music and Saturday morning cartoon sound effects.

Wes Craven seems overrated, to me at least. Yeah, he's done some good stuff like The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream, but he seems to be horribly inconsistent, and to talk about him as if he was in the same league as the likes of David Cronenberg and Dario Argento, as some do, is fallacy.

5/10. I should probably see I Spit On Your Grave, another video nasty built around a similar premise but one that sounds, to me at least, to be far more powerful and genuinely shocking. It won't be on the buggered UK disc, though, that's for sure. I also need to see Night Train Murders (due for release from Blue Underground in January), a film by the excellent Aldo Lado that basically transplants Last House's story on to a train in Italy. Perhaps the Italians are better at this sort of thing than the Americans, I don't know. It remains to be seen.

This afternoon I received a phone call from Barclaycard, supplier of my VISA card, to inform me that a company or individual in Israel had just attempted to charge upwards of £270 to my card. I have never bought anything from Israel -- hell, I don't even know anyone in Israel -- so I immediately told them that this was nothing to do with me. It seems that somehow someone has got a hold of my credit card details, and I suspect that this is the result of a recent security breach at DVD Pacific. Several people who use DVD Pacific have been subject to credit card fraud to various degrees (read more), and since I am a regular DVD Pacific customer, this makes the most sense. I have now destroyed my credit card and they are sending me a new one. I must say I'm most impressed by the efficiency of this: I was contacted less than 10 minutes after the fraudulent transaction took place, after Barclaycard had blocked it, of course.

By the way, despite all the negative press about DVD Pacific, I must state that they are not really at fault here. Yes, it's true that their security was breached, but I guess this could have happened to anyone, and they were fairly quick to set up new security measures and provide all their customers with new passwords. I've contacted them to let them know about this. If anyone else has such problems, I would urge them to do the same.

Source: Mobius

Ahead of Synapse Films' upcoming September 28th release of Thriller: A Cruel Picture, the Swedish revenge/exploitation gorefest that was a partial inspiration to Quentin Tarantino for the Kill Bill saga, director Bo Arne Vibenius is kicking up quite a stink. Apparently, he alleges that Synapse Films have "stolen" the film from him and are distributing it illegally. In fact, this would appear to be nonsense. Synapse bought it legally from the Swedish distributor and Mr Bo is peeved that he's not seeing any of the moolah. He has now resorted to emailing Synapse using fake names, threatening to "tell George Bush about them". This whole thing is quite funny, but I hope the scandal doesn't cause this release to be delayed or cancelled, since Synapse have clearly put a lot of work into it, and I've already pre-ordered my copy.

I've reviewed Trial & Retribution Volumes 1-4 (R2 UK) at DVD Times.

I've just received this email from DVD Pacific:

Hi Michael,

How are you? I just wanted to let you know, your shipment for invoice ***** was returned to us. Would you like me to re-ship it out to you or would you like a refund?

Thanks. Have a great day!

Regards,
Mandy R
DVD Pacific Returns

I checked my order history, and sure enough, it's my missing package containing The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and Walt Disney on the Front Lines. So it finally showed up after more than four months in oblivion. Why it disappeared and was then returned is anyone's guess, but since I've already acquired these items by re-ordering them, I have of course asked for a refund. Therefore, I've made £28 today simply by doing nothing. (Well, technically, it was £28 I'd previously lost, but it's still a pleasant surprise.)

Well, my new hard drive arrived this morning and was installed without a hitch. In the process, I discovered that the file system on my secondary drive had somehow been completely screwed up, and as a result most .exe files refused to run. For a moment I thought I had lost all my downloaded programs, but luckily installing XP Service Pack 1 (which I had on a CD) seemed to fix things.

I've reviewed Kill Bill Vol. 2 (R2 UK) at DVD Times.

I ordered a new hard drive this morning: an 80 GB Western Digital Caviar SE from KustomPCs. My current drive isn't dead yet but it looks like it's going that way, and I don't want to be in a position where it dies and I'm stuck without a computer.

Source: Dark Discussion

Shock! Amazement! The one Dario Argento title I never expected to see is getting a DVD release in Italy. Mondo Home Entertainment are releasing Le Cinque Giornate (The Five Days [of Milan]) on September 5th. This was Argento's only deviation away from horror/thriller territory, a historical drama/comedy about the Italian revolution. I have my reservations about this title (from what I've heard of it, it doesn't sound like my kind of film), but I must complete my Argento library, so I will definitely be buying this.

Edit: It's unclear whether this will have English subtitles or not. From what I can gather, an English dub was never prepared.

I've added the following mini-reviews to my CD Collection page:

eXistenZ

Notes: Howard Shore's score to the excellent eXistenZ sounds great in the context of the film, but unfortunately it's the kind of music that, when played in isolation, sounds like little more than background noise. Evocative background noise, but background noise nonetheless.

Standout moment: Nothing particularly stands out.

The Butterfly Effect

Notes: Suby's score for The Butterfly Effect is, like the film itself, a lot deeper and more mature than you would perhaps expect. It doesn't consistently excel -- at times it has a somewhat generic feel to it -- but there are some parts that really stand out and are quite haunting.

Standout moment: Track 13 (Kayleigh's funeral) and Track 20 (Evan & Kayleigh/Kayleigh Loves Lenny). The Kayleigh theme, repeated at many intervals throughout the film, is the strongest piece of music in the film.

Trauma

Notes: Argento originally intended for Claudio Simonetti to compose the score for Trauma, but US producers balked at his unusual sound and Argento instead went with frequent Brian DePalma collaborator Pino Donaggio. There are some good moments to this score, but overall it seems to alternate between background noise and wholly out of place music. It sounds a little better in isolation than in the film (where a number of cues directly opposed the on-screen visuals), but it's not a huge improvement. Ironically, it sounds like something of a cross between one of Howard Shore's more generic scores and what Keith Emerson did for Inferno, but nothing like as good. What salvages it is the haunting Ruby Rain song, in both its vocalized and instrumental variants.

Standout moment: Track 26 (Ruby Rain) -- possibly the most haunting piece of music in any Argento movie.

Source: Dark Dreams

Alan Jones has written up a report of his visit to the set of Dario Argento's upcoming TV Hitchcock homage, Ti Piace Hitchcock? ("Do You Know Hitchcock?"). From the sound of it, it looks like this is going to be much more than your average TV movie, but the real piece of news garnered from this write-up, in my opinion, regards the upcoming conclusion to the Three Mothers trilogy:

"HITCHCOCK will be the first of seven TV thrillers I intend to make. Each will be directed by my former assistants or other crew members I like. But I won’t get round to doing any more until after THE THIRD MOTHER. I now have a fifty page treatment for that and intend to start filming in Rome next spring."

I have a nasty feeling that my primary hard drive might be about to give up the ghost. The other day, I was getting hard freezes every time I tried to access my Downloads directory: it would simply crash whenever it tried to load the icon of a certain file. I was able to get things into working order again by deleting the file in question via the Command Prompt, but since then I've been having various other problems. I get a hard freeze every time I leave the computer doing nothing for too long -- about 20 minutes seems to kick it off -- and Chkdsk tells me I have errors every time I run it, despite it saying it's fixed then. Furthermore, performance in Warcraft III seems much slower than before. This is very reminiscent of the time my last primary hard drive died, back way before I started this web site. I'm going to keep going for a while, but I think it's about time I ordered a new hard drive.

Well, as you may have noticed, despite claims that the new episodes of Ren & Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon would begin airing on Spike TV starting August 20th, nothing has happened. Mixed messages abound, from rumours that Spike will not be showing it at all to John K. and Spike working together to create a marketing campaign, with plans to show the cartoons at a later date. John K.'s work has always been subject to mixed responses, and the discussions involving his latest work are quite interesting indeed. Generally, many people seem to react negatively to the supposedly "bad taste" material, such as poo gags in Fire Dogs II and Stimpy's Pregnant, bare breasts in Naked Beach Frenzy, and the "revelation" that Ren and Stimpy are homosexual lovers (YA THINK???). Yawn, yawn, yawn. I don't see what people have against humour like this. I have yet to see a valid reason for NOT pushing the boundaries. True, if ALL they were doing was testing the limits of censorship, then the shows would be pretty shallow, but I see a lot more going on than that. The psychodrama of Ren Seeks Help, for example. The beautiful backgrounds, especially in the later shows (Onward and Upward looked a bit muddy). The strong and inventive poses. The fluid animation. Even the voice acting, which is usually something I don't attach much weight to in a cartoony cartoon. Perhaps I'm looking at this through rose-tinted glasses -- perhaps it's just because I'm thrilled that new episodes of my favourite cartoon characters are being produced -- but I think that people like Michael Barrier, who home in on the crudity of some of the jokes, are flogging a dead horse.

Anyway, if you want to see the new shows, be sure to sign the petition.

Source: BBC News

Edvard Munch's famous painting, The Scream, has been stolen from Norway's Munch Museum by armed thieves.

Pulp Fiction (R1 USA SE) and the score for Trauma both arrived this morning.

1987's James Bond adventure extravaganza, The Living Daylights, was on ITV1 last night. This was the first of two appearances as 007 for the woefully underrated Timothy Dalton, whose other Bond film, License to Kill, is in my opinion the best of the series (at from what I've seen of it). After the camp antics of everyone's favourite idiot, Roger Moore, Dalton is a breath of fresh air, playing the role straight and actually injecting some humanity into it. Dalton's Bond is a ruthless bastard, especially in Licence to Kill, when compared to the bumbling comedies of Moore. While The Living Daylights is a bit uneven -- loved the stuff in Prague and the KGB spy's infiltration of the MI6 meeting in England; wasn't so keen on the stuff in the Middle East. It's actually quite funny to see how much alliegances change in the space of 17 years: this film could really have been subtitled James Bond Helps the Taliban. Good fun overall; much better than the crappers they've been churning out recently.

Source: Animation Nation

Red Kite Sails to Scotland with New Film Studio for Nocturna
August 18, 2004

Animation production company Red Kite makes its foray into theatrical-release animation, launching Red Kite Films with a major new feature-length film NOCTURNA. The film is a collaboration with Filmax Animation (Spain) and Animakids (France), set for theatrical release at Christmas 2006.

NOCTURNA tells the story of Tim, an orphan who sees a star fall from the sky and is instantly transported into a world of dreams and the mysteries of the night. Featuring 2D and 3D CGI techniques and initially budgeted at around €10m, production starts later this year on NOCTURNA, targeted for a family audience.

Story/script editor is Philip LaZebnik (POCAHONTAS, MULAN as well as a story consultant on the DreamWorks’ SHREK and ANTZ). Adrian Garcia and Victor Maldonado, will direct and also hold writing credits along with Teresa Vilardell and LaZebnik. NOCTURNA is produced Ken Anderson, Philippe Garell and Paco Rodriguez. Rodriguez showed promos for the film during the recent MIFA conference in Annecy.

“We are confident that NOCTURNA represents another huge step forward in the recent renaissance in European animation,” said Red Kite md Ken Anderson. “NOCTURNA is just the beginning of our work with our European partners, as Red Kite Films will go on to produce a range of animations currently in development. Our success in making NOCTURNA a reality underlines not only our strength in the marketplace, but the strength of the Scottish animation industry as a whole and its fantastic pool of creative talent.”

Red Kite will produce the films at its brand new facility in Edinburgh, Scotland. Offering the very best technical facilities in Scotland, the new development aims to make Red Kite the most extensive and largest employer in 2D animation. During its expansion, Red Kite will be looking to hire a wealth of new production and animation staff.

“The opening of this facility is not only part of our strategic expansion, but again proves that Scotland is world-class in terms of animation,” adds Anderson.

“Red Kite is at the cutting edge of screen animation, and its involvement in NOCTURNA is proof of the quality of work that is coming out of Scotland,” said Scottish Screen chief exec, Steve McIntyre. “Red Kite has demonstrated that high artistic production values really do matter, and it is paving the way for other Scottish animation companies.”

Sylvain Chomet, award-winning director of BELLEVILLE RENDEZVOUS, who recently set up shop in Scotland as Studio Django in Edinburgh, added his own praise for Red Kite: “Red Kite’s work in animation has set a high benchmark in artistic quality, and I’m delighted that they have won a commission for their first major feature. Red Kite Films is a company to watch – they are capable of achieving big things.”

Established in 1997, Red Kite (www.redkite-animation.com) is one of Scotland’s most innovative screen animation companies. Based in Edinburgh, with a reputation for creative flair and imagination, Red Kite has produced a range of short films, TV series and commercials.

Sounds superb. The artwork from this film looks absolutely amazing, like a 2D Nightmare Before Christmas. I only hope that spreading the production between Spain, France and Scotland doesn't dilute the formula too much.

Source: DVD Times

Most regular visitors to Whiggles.tk will probably know by now what I think of the Matrix films, so why, you may ask, am I posting about the announcement of a 10-disc hyper mega deluxe platinum special limited collector's box set extravaganza, featuring the average first film, the woeful second one, and the third one which I haven't seen? Why, because they include a feature that, to date, I don't think has been featured on any other DVD: commentaries featuring critics who hate the films. That's right, Warner have actually included commentaries featuring professional critics ripping these blockbusters to shreds. Not that this would make me buy this set, but it's something I'd love to see on more DVDs in the future, if only more distributors would grow some testicles. Negative criticism is often enlightening, but it becomes so much fun if you just so happen to agree with it!

My genius idea: The Passion of the Christ featuring commentary by a Jewish rabbi, a Christian televangelist (or Thomas Carder of CAP Alert infamy) and an atheist. It's simplicity itself!

Source: DVD Times

The belated release date for the US DVD of the final and sadly fickle season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been set for 16 November 2004. US customers who have yet to succumb to importing a European or Australian copy will soon be able to enjoy the wonders of the awful cover artwork, complete with airbushing overdrive, the removal of the recaps at the beginning of each episode, the whiny voice of the increasingly skeletal Sarah Michelle Gellar at its correct pitch, and of course creator Joss Whedon's preferred 4x3 "full-screen" aspect ratio, which I have recently been informed is in fact a crop-down of the 16x9 widescreen master prepared for the BBC, which itself was a vertically matted version of the 35mm negative. Go figure.

The world of television according to Joss Whedon:

Of course, this is further convoluted by the fact that he refers to the 16x9 versions as "letterboxed" and the 4x3 versions as "the way they were shot". Given his obvious lack of understanding of the concept of aspect ratios and framing, is it any wonder a debacle like this has arisen?

But I digress. I am perfectly happy with my R2 copy, despite it not having been blessed by His Holiness Pope Whedon the First.

Source: DVD Times

Warner Home Video have announced the Region 1 DVD release of Looney Tunes: Golden Collection Volume 2 and Looney Tunes: Spotlight Collection Volume 2 for 2nd November 2004 priced at $64.97 and $26.99 SRP respectively. These follow-up sets contain another 60 restored, remastered and uncut Looney Tunes animated classics spread across two sets, four discs and accompanied by a host of newly created and archive bonus features...

Looney Tunes: Golden Collection Volume 2 is a four-disc set featuring all 60 cartoons packed with special features including:

• Commentaries on more than 30 cartoons
• 9 Behind-the-Tunes Featurettes
• 2 Documentaries
• 50th-Anniversary "Bugs Bunny Tribute" Show
• "The Adventures of The Road Runner" 1962 TV Pilot
• "From the Vaults" Bonus Cartoon Rarities
• New 2004 Short "Daffy Duck for President"
• Music Only Tracks, Bridging Sequences, Audio Recording Sessions

Looney Tunes: Spotlight Collection Volume 2 is the cut-down set, featuring 30 cartoons with selected commentary tracks, bonus audio features and kid-friendly DVD activities.

Lyris the part-time sodomite has launched version 11 of his web site, which now looks like a cross between shrink-wrap and linoleum. Go visit!

Pino Donaggio's score for Dario Argento's Trauma has been re-released on CD, featuring a new 10-minute outtakes suite in addition to its original 25 tracks. You can order it now from Moviegrooves, as I did. I quite like some elements of this score, and of course the "Ruby Rain" song, which could possibly be the most haunting piece of music ever included in an Argento film, but overall there are too many moments that clash with what's happening on-screen. I don't know about anyone else, but I can't stand the piece of music that plays during the final shot of the film's climax (after the villain has been killed). It just seems so out of place. Perhaps my opinion of it will improve when I hear it in isolation.

North Lake Tahoe Bonanza has posted an article about Katie Rice, who worked as a layout artist on Ren & Stimpy: Adult Party Cartoon last year. It's a bit light on the actual interview content, but it's worth a read.

Source: Animation Nation

Elmer Bernstein, composer of films such as The Black Cauldron, The Magnificent Seven and The Great Escape, died today at the age of 82.

Microsoft is due to release Service Pack 2 for Windows XP via Windows Update on August 26th. It has already been made available to manufacturers and various people with connections to Microsoft (which, indirectly, includes me). I installed it when I received it last week, and although there were some very interesting new additions, including a virus scanner, an improved firewall and better security for critical system files, I ended up uninstalling it after less than 24 hours. My main complaints involved the fact that Windows took much longer to start up and felt generally more sluggish, plus the fact that Java Scripts (such as the one used on this site for the menu bar) are now blocked by default in Internet Explorer and must be manually enabled every time you open a new browser window.

However, it now seems that other people have been having even more severe problems. Several people at Slacker Central have been experiencing network and internet connection loss and various games no longer working, and now Microsoft themselves have released a list of programs that no longer work properly or at all, many of which are their own software. Apparently, this isn't a problem because these programs had security flaws to begin with. Sorry, no cheese. SP2 isn't going on this machine until they can sort their shit out.

I fixed a problem on the News Archive pages where the menu links at the top were pointing to the wrong location.

PS. I realize that this site hasn't been updated much over the course of this month. It's really a combination of news being slow and me not being motivated to post much. I'll try and get some more stuff up soon.

5 Dolls for an August Moon (R0 USA) arrived this morning. Overall, it's an interesting film, with some intriguing photography and a kooky score, but its story is a bit weak. Basically five couples go for a holiday on an isolated island and, cut off from society, they are dispatched one by one by an unseen assailant. Is it one of them, is it an outsider, or is it the young woman who happens to be the only other person on the island with them? I get the impression that Mario Bava was a kind of "director for hire" in a way that the likes of Dario Argento definitely was not and, while he had a superb visual eye, he often had no involvement in the writing of the movies he ended up shooting and was simply brought on board to film other peoples' scripts. As such, although many people praise him to the heavens, his work so far hasn't set me on fire in the way that Argento's has. Perhaps I've just seen the wrong films so far -- only three out of a pretty massive number, many of which seem to have been directed anonymously -- and to be fair Bava is said to have considered this to be his worst film. Overall, 7/10, because I like the photography and score, and some of the female characters made for nice eye candy.

Source: DVD Maniacs Forums

Blue Underground chief Bill Lustig has apparently stated that Death Laid an Egg, originally announced as part of the upcoming Giallo Collection Vol. 2 but rumoured to have been dropped, will be included in the set after all. This is great news, since 6 films are always better than 5, and many people consider this to be one of the most outstanding gialli.

... Or not. Reading further down in the thread, it seems that this is still up in the air. We're getting conflicting messages from different people at Blue Undergound. The bottom line is we're just going to have to wait and see. There shouldn't be too much longer to wait.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that Kill Bill Volume 2 (R2 UK) arrived yesterday morning. Decent transfer, a lot easier on the eyes than the Japanese transfer for Vol. 1, although it's anyone's guess what the US and Japanese transfers of Vol. 2 actually look like.

I've reviewed The Butterfly Effect (R2 UK) at DVD Times.

This morning I got the review copy of Icon's R2 UK release of The Butterfly Effect, which I'm doing for DVD Times. I must say that the transfer is a lot nicer than New Line's US effort, with less edge enhancement and a lot more detail. Sadly, though, they've dropped DTS and included the director's cut only, omitting the theatrical cut -- a shame, since although only a few scenes were changed, added or removed, the two cuts feel very different in terms of both tone and overall ideology.

Also, Kill Bill Vol. 2 (R2 UK) has been dispatched from Play.com, nearly a week ahead of its official UK release date. That's what I call good service!

Source: The Horror Channel, via Mobius

In a recent Q&A session with the Horror Channel, Blue Underground chief Bill Lustig has suggested that The Giallo Collection Vol. 2 could be released as early as January 2005. 2005 is looking like a great year for gialli, with Anchor Bay's special editions of Trauma and The Card Player due out, as well as Blue Underground's new HD-sourced transfer of The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, and another Aldo Lado film, Night Train Murders, also from Blue Underground. On a more sombre note, it sounds as if Dario Argento's Four Flies on Grey Velvet is still a long way off. I might just cave in and obtain a bootleg. Screw you, Paramount.

Today, I received a review copy of Trial & Retribution Volumes 1-4 from DVD Times, one of the few good programmes ever to be shown on ITV1. With nearly 12 hours' worth of material to make my way through, I've got a lot of viewing ahead of me. At least it's the summer holidays!

Source: Dark Discussion

According to Anchor Bay's Michael Felsher, their US special editions of Trauma and The Card Player will both be released during the first half of 2005.

Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction was on BBC2 last night. (What d'you think of that? Something worth watching on BBC2!) This was the first time I'd seen it, and until now, of his films I'd only seen Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2. I'm not really sure how I felt about Pulp Fiction. On the one hand, it has some absolutely superb scenes (the Gimp, John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson, everything with Uma Thurman), but on the other hand a lot of scenes just dragged. I can see why Tarantino gets some flak for not cutting his movies down a bit more: a lot of the dialogue was just talking for talking's sake. That said, it did make a change, since so many movies these days are cut so lean that there is no extraneous material. It was actually quite nice to see a film that took it's time and stuck with dialogue that was interesting for its own sake rather than furthering the story. So yeah, I'll probably buy the DVD at some point.

Revisionists of the world unite! George Lucas eat your heart out! See all the toomfoolery for yourselves in my exclusive comparison of the LaserDisc and DVD versions of The Lion King!

Rosemary's Baby (R1 USA) arrived this morning. Believe it or not, I had never seen this horror classic until today, and I can't think why I didn't check it out sooner: the film is every bit as good as people say. Those accustomed to the rapidfire MTV-style editing of modern films with their fast pacing are going to be disappointed, but those who appreciate a gripping yarn told in a way that it is given time to develop properly are in for a treat. Mia Farrow is excellent as the woman who believes a group of devil-worshippers have struck a deal with her husband to steal her unborn baby, and there are a number of truly disturbing dream sequences. A most excellent film that gets my highest recommendation. I really need to seek out more of Roman Polanski's work.

10/10.

I've reviewed The Card Player (R2 Czech Republic) at DVD Times.

Today a package arrived for me from my good friends at Xploited Cinema -- a gift, of course, although coincidentally some money did change hands shortly before they sent it to me. Entitled "Shadows", this is the new Dutch release of Tenebre, boasting a brand-new uncut anamorphic transfer. So how does it measure up to the other 4 (!) versions of the film that I own? Check out my detailed comparison here.

I've reviewed Gothika (R2 UK) at DVD Times.

Uncle Whiggles is back from hell! And what a tale he has to tell!

The whole experience, I suppose, could have been a whole lot worse, all things considered, but still, I'm in an argumentative mood, and feel the need to vent some steam, so bear with me while I ramble and grossly exaggerate.

Sunday, August 1, 2004
We arrive at the delapidated little shack as night begins to draw in. An excursion to a restaurant to partake of victuals goes down a treat, thanks in no small way to the painting depicted below, which gazes down upon us as we fill our bellies with sustinence. My grandfather, the homophobic, racist, ageist, moralist, Daily Mail-reading hypocrite, takes no offence, because it depicts a scene from a famous Scottish poem, written by part-time drug addict and full-time alcoholic Sir Robert Burns.

Darkness descends on the miserable little hovel that is to be our home for the next 36 hours. The lights are dimmed one by one, and everyone settles down to sleep, including the two dogs, who are safely locked in the kitchen. Then, disaster strikes. I am awakened with a crash as Lyris the part-time sodomite comes thundering into the bedroom, switching on lights, leaping on and off the bed, flinging shoes across the room and doing god knows what else. That's it. I'm awake for the rest of the night. Not too bad, though, I think, since although I will look like a drugged zombie at the big ceremony tomorrow, those that count (i.e. those that are able to sustain a conversation) will at least be fully rested.

But I reckon without the existence of my grandfather, the homophobic, racist, ageist, moralist, Daily Mail-reading hypocrite who, at 2 of the clock, decides to enter the kitchen to seek out his exotic drugs. A thundering of paws and two hounds are running up the corridor, barging into the bedroom of my aged grandmother, who squeals like a demented chicken, and on into the room of my parents. Mother dearest returns the dogs to their prison in the kitchen, but the rest of the night is punctuated by howls of anguish by two dogs with an IQ that totals less than their eight paws and two tails. By 5 of the clock, it becomes clear that no-one is going to get any sleep, and so the day begins... for all but my grandfather, the homophobic, racist, ageist, moralist, Daily Mail-reading hypocrite, and Lyris the part-time sodomite, who snore away in contentment, unaware of the commotion they have caused.

Monday, August 2, 2004
The day of the wedding dawns, with appropriately overcast skies and drops of miserable rain. The entire household, barring the two afforementioned villains, looks like death warmed up. How ever are we going to survive the upcoming wedding?!

At 2 of the clock, the wedding procession draws up outside the dank little hut that is the church in which the ceremony is to be held. An assortment of anorexic women troop out and head towards the altar, where stands a man in a skirt, looking decidedly nervous. (As would any rightminded gentleman wearing women's clothing, unless he is a professional transvestite or travelling gypsy.) Actually, his wearing of a skirt is rather appropriate, since this gent, who has trekked all the way from the city of Newcastle to bed... sorry, wed... my cousin, is definitely not the one wearing the trousers in this relationship. But enough of that, I'm sure they will be very happy, and I would wish them all the best but for the fact that I feel that I am about to collapse.

Afterwards we retire to a hotel, where we will be bored to death for the next several hours as we do a lot of standing about, posing for photographs, standing up, applauding, raising glasses and listening to my drunken racist uncle, father of the bride, attempting to slip bad jokes into his speech. Below you can see the charming red-faced old wineskin himself, showing off his brand-new dentures and posing with myself. At this point in time I am quite ready to lie down and die, a combination of heat, tiredness and boredom.

UPDATE, September 2 2004: I decided to remove the photograph to protect the innocent. This site was established partially as a means of me venting steam, but I don't feel that members of my family should be dragged into the fracas, especially when my comments are less than 100% favourable. Sorry, Uncle J.

After the meal, Lyris and I thankfully retire back to the shack under the pretence of having to entertain two rabid dogs. In reality, I am just glad to get away from the boredom and stickiness of the banquet hall, housing 100 individuals but having no air conditioning on this, the hottest day of the year. So much for overcast skies and drops of miserable rain. Oh yeah, did I mention the wedding cost approximately £18,000? Starting at 2pm and continuing until well past midnight, that is, at a conservative estimate, £1,800 per hour, or £30 per minute. To put this into terms that even an uneducated delinquent such as myself can understand, that's a brand new top-range computer every hour, or a newly-released, full-priced PC game every minute. Heavens above!

Tuesday, August 3, 2004
So here I am, back and more or less in one piece. I have lived to tell the tale, but let me just reiterate this once more: there is no fucking way I am ever getting married, and even if I did (assuming heck freezes over, that is), it certainly wouldn't cost £18,000. I'm not having children either, so there.