Dario Argento

It’s real

http://www.dvdmaniacs.net/forums/showthread.php?p=534200#post534200

Specs here.

High definition hootenanny

A handful of discs have landed on my doormat over the last couple of days. First up, on Tuesday, was a check disc for Optimum’s UK HD DVD release of Wolf Creek, replacing the Blu-ray release which wouldn’t play in my Japanese Playstation 3 thanks to a strange bug called region coding. I’ve taken a quick look at it in advance of putting together a full review for DVD Times, and I can report quite categorically that those who already own the Weinstein Company’s US release should stick with it. Optimum have inexplicably decided to encode their version using MPEG2, and the result is a heck of a lot of artefacting. You still get a nicely detailed picture, and some shots do look flawless, but the number of shots that show excessive macro-blocking make this a less than immersive experience.

Oh, and the menus appear to be bugged, at least for Xbox 360 users: the scene selection screen won’t load. The on-screen overlay disappears, leaving the background footage to play in an infinite loop, requiring the disc to be ejected and reinserted.

Then, on Wednesday, while I was out at work, the Blu-ray release of Masters of Horror: Season 1, Volume 3, containing Don Coscarelli’s Incident On and Off a Mountain Road, Tobe Hooper’s Dance of the Dead and Larry Cohen’s Pick Me Up, arrived. Then, today, this was supplemented by the fourth and final volume of Masters of Horror’s first season, containing Takeshi Miike’s Imprint (the episode which so horrified the executives that they refused to air it in the US), Joe Dante’s Homecoming and Mick Garris’ Chocolate. Given that the only episode I’ve watched so far is Sick Girl in Volume 2 (having previously seen Jenifer one and a half times, which was more than enough), it looks like I’ve got quite a bit of viewing ahead of me.

How low can you go?

Just when you thought the whole Kane & Lynch: Dead Men fiasco couldn’t get any worse, publisher Eidos Interactive has been caught with its pants down yet again. As reported by Kotaku, someone at the company marketing department seems to have decided that, if they can’t get a positive review from Gamespot, then they’ll damn well make up their own and falsely attribute them to other review sites. Care to guess what’s wrong with the image below?

If you answered “Eidos pulled these quotes and scores out of its collective anus,” you’d be half way there. As Kotaku explains:

GameSpy did not say “It’s the best emulation of being in the midst of a Michael Mann movie we’ve ever seen” in their review of the game. They said that in their E3 2007 coverage. In other words, a preview. They also did not give the game five stars. They gave it three.

As for Game Informer, same deal. The highlighted quote does not appear in the review of the game. Nor do they give it five stars. Game Informer don’t even score in stars. They gave it a 7/10.

Head over to Kotaku for the rest of the story.

Um… say what?

Now, I’m no stranger to publishers using reviews in - shall we say? - creative ways. I have seen certain publishers post extracts of my reviews on their web sites with certain parts edited out to make my overall appraisals sound more glowing than they actually were. I’ve also seen quotes attributed to myself (or, more often, DVD Times) appearing on the backs of DVD covers that could only have been compiled by pasting together a word here and a word there. (I mean, come on, does “A little seen gem… with nudity, gore and three Bond girls!” really sound like something I would write? It is, according to Blue Underground’s packaging for The Black Belly of the Tarantula. Well, at least they chose a film that I was genuinely impressed by rather than attempting to make out that I was lavishing praise on something I hated.) This is on an entirely different level, though. I suppose, if the DVD distributors had as little integrity and self-respect as Eidos, I could expect to see quotes like “It’s… very [good]! [Bianchi’s] camerawork is… as accomplished as… Argento’s [most] impressive endeavours!” and “You have to admire Dr. Boll. He consistently churns out [masterpieces]! Alone in the Dark was merely foreplay!” attributed to myself appearing on new releases of Strip Nude for Your Killer and House of the Dead respectively.

It’s nice to know that Eidos is seemingly intent on digging an even deeper hole for itself. Add to that the fact that Gamespot members, protesting against the firing of Jeff Gerstmann, have taken it upon themselves to award Kane & Lynch 1/10 ratings en masse, and you now have a game that, in all likelihood, was nothing more than hopelessly mediocre, but, thanks to Eidos and Gamespot’s dodgy dealings, has now acquired a far worse reputation than it would ever have had if they had simply elected to keep their noses out and let the reviewers get on with reviewing.

Nice one, guys.

Thanks to Lyris for the tip-off.

DVDs I bought or received in the month of November

• 2001: A Space Odyssey (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• A Clockwork Orange (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• Eyes Wide Shut (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• The Fly (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Full Metal Jacket [remastered edition] (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• The Mario Bava Collection Volume 2 (R1 USA, DVD)
• Pan’s Labyrinth (R0 UK, HD DVD)
• Peep Show: Series 4 (R2 UK, DVD)
• Ratatouille (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• The Shining (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• Soldier of Orange (R0 UK, DVD)
• The Stendhal Syndrome: Special Edition (R0 USA, DVD)
• Tokyo Godfathers (R2 UK, DVD)
• Les Triplettes de Belleville (R0 France, HD DVD)

A good month for high definition, this, and another expensive one too.

Two worlds collide

I’ve just discovered that Michael Brandon, who played the protagonist, Roberto Tobias, in Dario Argento’s Four Flies on Grey Velvet, has a guest role in this Saturday’s episode of Casualty (source: Yahoo! TV UK). This strikes me as incredibly weird in a quite fascinating way. Now, the question is, will he play a progressive rock drummer who incorrectly believes that he has killed a man who was stalking him,

Highlight below to reveal spoiler text for Four Flies on Grey Velvet:

Given some of the stories we’ve been getting on Casualty recently, I wouldn’t consider that to be too far-fetched.

Door into DVD

Source: DVD Maniacs

After a fairly lengthy period of inactivity, NoShame Films’ US wing is getting up and running again, starting with the February 26th 2008 release of Dario Argento’s 1973 television series Door into Darkness.

Bizarre cover art aside, this is very good news. The series was released in Italy by NoShame earlier this year, but it lacked English subtitles, and I have yet to come across any reviews of its image quality. Currently, the only English-friendly release was a 2-disc set by German company Dragon Entertainment, which, despite having very iffy image quality (see my review for more information), is now something of a collector’s item. Assuming NoShame have access to better quality materials, this new edition should be a must-buy.

Poster pleasure

What’s with Japan almost always getting the best film artwork? Time and time again, they seem to end up with much better posters and DVD covers than the rest of the world. A case in point is the Japanese poster for Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Amélie, one of my favourite films, whose French poster (the café exterior variant) already adorns my wall.

As much as I like the French art, however, I found that the Japanese version appealed much more to me as soon as I came across it during a random perusal of AllPosters. The poster was no longer available to buy from there, and, at some point during the last couple of days, its entry has been deleted entirely, but I was able to find an auction for it on eBay, and it now adorns the wall behind me, alongside my giant Opera poster.

Musical madre

I received the soundtrack CD to Mother of Tears the other day. I’ve had a chance to sit down and listen to the CD from beginning to end a couple of times now, and broadly speaking, I like it, with some reservations.

This is a very eclectic score, and Simonetti borrows liberally from other compositions, including his own contributions to the Argento universe (lots of shades of Phenomena), as well as Keith Emerson’s work on Inferno, Jerry Goldsmith’s score for The Omen and some of James Bernard’s work for the old Hammer films - all very worthy references to use, if you ask me. There are probably more, but they passed this relatively non-musical individual’s ears by.

The best track by far is the one that accompanies the opening credits (“The Third Mother (Main Theme)”) - it’s very Hammeresque, and I love that grand gothic sound with lots of brass and menacing chanting. The worst, meanwhile, is that truly awful Demonia/Cradle of Filth song that accompanies the closing credits. It’s essentially a metal remix of the opening title theme, with Dani Filth’s tuneless rasping layered over it - that description alone should give you some idea of how bad it sounds. I can’t believe Argento actually agreed to have it attached to the film - it completely wrecks the tone and is far, far worse than any of the heavy metal pieces he used in Phenomena and Opera.

As for the rest of the score, I like it, but I do find that the electronic elements, which are very much like those in The Card Player, jar with the more orchestral parts. It’s not a patch on the music for either Suspiria or Inferno, but it’s a good, solid gothic horror piece that goes quite well with the visuals I’ve seen for the film so far.

DVD review: The Stendhal Syndrome

If you already own a copy of the Italian release of The Stendhal Syndrome, then whether you consider this new edition to be a worthwhile purchase will be dependent on whether you feel that the price is worth paying for a slightly improved transfer and new bonus materials. If, however, you only own the poor quality Troma or Dutch Film Works releases, then I would definitely recommend this release.

I’ve reviewed Blue Underground’s recent release of Dario Argento’s The Stendhal Syndrome, presented for this first time uncut in North America in this 2-disc special edition, courtesy of DVD Pacific.

Oh, nausea!

I got through the whole of today without feeling sick once. I put this down to my decision to stop taking the Regulan (which my GP told me was probably a wise move when I suggested it to him), which was emptying my bowels at an impressive rate but leaving me feeling like crap for several hours after each, erm, evacuation. By the way, the GP (a different one from the one who put me on the stuff in the first place) gave me a pretty thorough examination, but could find no obvious explanation as to why I have been experiencing the pains I’ve been feeling. He said there was a possibility that it had been brought on by a varicose vein, which would correct itself in time, but otherwise couldn’t offer any definitive diagnosis, and so has referred me to the hospital for an ultrasound, x-rays and the like. I’m feeling somewhat less worried now, though, because he obviously didn’t consider it to be anything life-threatening, and the pains do seem to have abated somewhat over the last 24 hours, which makes me wonder if they were partly being accentuated by anxiety. I know that, if you constantly worry about something, it’s always going to seem worse. Conversely, I managed to forget my aches and pains at various points throughout the day, which I take to be a good sign.

Unfortunately, the people responsible for mangling Suspiria (see my previous post on the issue here) seem to be doing their damnedest to make me feel as ill as possible. I got home from work this evening to find screen captures of the upcoming French 3-disc collector’s edition from Wild Side waiting for me, and, judging by them, the new French transfer looks just as bad, if not worse than, the Italian “definitive” DVD. I’ve cancelled my pre-order - if it looks this bad, then all the bonus materials in the world won’t convince me that it’s worth shelling out €30 for.

In more positive news, my HD DVD of Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket arrived today from Amazon.com. I haven’t seen the previous 2006 HD DVD release of this film, but apparently it looked like crap, so I’m happy to report that this new remastered edition looks excellent, along the same likes as 2001: A Space Odyssey and The Shining rather than A Clockwork Orange and Eyes Wide Shut. Detail is excellent, and this is definitely one of the best-looking discs Warner have put out, regardless of when the film itself was made (they’ve put out plenty of HD releases of 2006 and 2007 films that look vastly inferior). This is another “major” film that I’ve yet to see, so I’m looking forward to sitting down to watch both it and The Shining at some point in the near future.

Edgar Wright on Suspiria

Edgar Wright, director and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, has contributed audio commentaries for the international and US theatrical trailers to Dario Argento’s Suspiria over at Trailers From Hell. This is a very interesting little project that I wasn’t aware of until now, essentially having several “gurus” (including Joe Dante, Mick Garris, John Landis and Rick Baker) discuss a variety of trailers for genre pieces. Both of Wright’s commentaries are very entertaining, and, for the record, I completely agree with his assessment of their relative strengths and weaknesses.

International trailer
US trailer

Credit for discovering this goes to Pete M at Dark Discussion.

Alan Jones on Mother of Tears

Reviews of Dario Argento’s Mother of Tears have been pouring in for some time now, some good, some bad, some split right down the middle, but, for many fans, the review they have been waiting for is the one penned by all-round Argento expert Alan Jones. After much anticipation, he has finally written a few words on the film, as well as its Rome premiere on Halloween.

As to the film itself, well, it’s not the conclusion to the SUSPIRIA and INFERNO trilogy any of us wanted to see.

[…]

While it’s easy to criticise LA TERZA MADRE (occasionally different to the US MOTHER OF TEARS version) for what it isn’t rather than what it actually is - a gory, campy supernatural romp - the main problem with the film is simple. The layers of ethereal artifice given by lush cinematography and arch style to the prior two classic films lent their fractured stories a further atmosphere of palpable fever dream unreality. Stripped of that, and saddled with Fasano’s dull realism (his DO YOU LIKE HITCHCOCK photography was superior), the film’s equally episodic narrative comes off as contrived, crude and kitsch. Why on earth didn’t Argento use again the vivid colour palettes that made SUSPIRIA and INFERNO so fabulous to look at? He had the chance in Jace and Adam’s jewel-bleeding concept, but axed it as too fairytale instead of embracing its rich atmospheric possibilities.

[…]

Claudio Argento said it best at the premiere performance. He told me, “For the general public it’s a good solid movie, for Dario’s fans I’m not so sure”.

For the full piece, which includes several photographs from the premiere, head over to Dark Dreams.

DVD debacle, Blu-ray bonzana, HD DVD hullabalooza!

I’ve kind of been slacking on updates regarding new DVD, Blu-ray and HD DVD releases that have been pouring on to my desk. As it happens, one of each has arrived in the last week (not counting Les Triplettes de Belleville, discussed here). What can I say? I haven’t been feeling all that great over the last week or so, and as a result I’ve been a bit distracted. I was feeling decidedly queasy on Saturday, and in addition to that I think I’ve done something to a muscle, or joint, or bone, in my hip. For over a week, I’ve been having pains of varying degrees throughout my left hand side from my waist down, and, on Saturday night, I woke up with my whole leg spasming of its own accord. I was actually contemplating going to the hospital, but things seem to be settling down somewhat now, so I’m currently assuming that whatever was damaged is sorting itself out. I have a suspicion that it has something to do with the heavy crates I was carrying about at work just under a fortnight ago. One incident report coming right up!

Anyway, in jollier news…

My review copy of Blue Underground’s US 2-disc Special Edition of Dario Argento’s The Stendhal Syndrome reached me. I’ve done little more than take a cursory glance at the transfer, which doesn’t appear to be particularly good (although not much worse than I was expecting, given Blue Underground’s track record for having an unhealthy obsession with the edge enhancement and filtering dials), and watched the Dario Argento interview on the second disc (which was very informative, even if he did gloss over the supposed conflicts he had with cinematographer Guiseppe Rotunno during the shoot). I intend to take a fuller look at it towards the end of the week, with a review (including a newly rewritten article on the film, similar to what I did for Suspiria and Inferno) coming soon.

I also picked up a copy of Fox’s recent Region A Blu-ray release of The Fly, making this my first ever high definition David Cronenberg film (with Eastern Promises to follow on HD DVD in December) and only my second Fox DVD. From what I’ve seen of it, it appears to be a pretty good representation of the source materials, although perhaps a bit softer than I would have liked. Unfortunately, the original stereo audio mix has been junked in favour of a souped up 5.1 remix. For shame, Fox, for shame.

Finally, the HD DVD release of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey arrived on Saturday. Believe it or not, I haven’t seen the film before and am decidedly curious to sit down and watch it for the first time. I have a feeling it’s going to be one of those films that takes a while to “get”, but one thing I do know for sure, at this stage, is that it features a very nice transfer. While I am a little concerned about its almost grainless look, in every other area it appears to be excellent, with a much higher level of detail than I am generally used to seeing from Warner’s HD releases. The line-up of extras looks very good, too, with the Channel 4-made documentary 2001: The Making of a Myth thrown in along with a commentary and several other documentaries and featurettes. The other four Kubrick titles released on HD DVD at the same time (A Clockwork Orange, Eyes Wide Shut, Full Metal Jacket and The Shining) are also on their way, although, due to supply issues at Amazon.com, they were all dispatched at different times.

DVDs I bought or received in the month of October

• Black Book (R0 USA, Blu-ray)
• Dawn of the Dead (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Day of the Dead (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Fallen Angel (R2 UK, DVD)
• The Fly (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Halloween (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Inferno (R2 Italy, DVD)
• The Jungle Book: Platinum Edition (R0 USA, DVD)
• Masters of Horror: Season 1, Volume 1 (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Masters of Horror: Season 1, Volume 2 (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• Mission Impossible III (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• Nikita/Subway (R2 UK, DVD)
• Oldboy (R0 UK, Blu-ray)
• Seed of Chucky (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• The Stendhal Syndrome (R0 USA, DVD)
• Suspiria: Definitive Edition (R2 Italy, DVD)
• Veronica Mars: The Complete Third Season (R1 USA, DVD)

No question about it, this was a very Blu month. A very expensive one too, although at least I managed to snag three review copies.

Halloween DVD review: Inferno

Unlike the Definitive Edition of Suspiria which I reviewed earlier today, the differences between this iteration of Inferno and the earlier Anchor Bay release are not a clear-cut case of something being “wrong”. Rather, they constitute a decidedly different-looking version of the same film, but one that is probably equally accurate to Argento’s vision. While dedicated fans will undoubtedly wish to pick up both DVDs, those only looking for one to add to their library are advised that both editions have their own strengths and weaknesses. The choice is up to the viewer.

Continuing the joint celebration of Halloween and the Italian theatrical release of Mother of Tears, I’ve reviewed the recent Italian R2 release of Inferno, Dario Argento’s third film in the Three Mothers trilogy.

Halloween DVD review: Suspiria: Definitive Edition

The so-called Definitive Edition of Suspiria proves to be anything but: a thoroughly disappointing release whose only claim to fame, beyond buggering up the look of the film something rotten, is its nifty tin case. And thus the quest for the definitive DVD release of Dario Argento’s masterpiece continues…

To celebrate Halloween, and to coincide with the Italian theatrical release of Mother of Tears, Dario Argento’s concluding part to the Three Mothers trilogy, I’ve reviewed the recent R2 Italian “Definitive Edition” of the first instalment, Suspiria, which comes in a nifty metal tin.

Attention spookmeisters!

Well, in just a few hours it will be All Hallows Eve, and, as promised, I have some spooktacular reviews for you. Unfortunately, the list is somewhat shorter than I would have hoped, due to my coming down with a nasty case of writer’s block, which didn’t clear up in time for me to get through my entire list of titles. Still, here’s what you can expect to see tomorrow:

• Midnight: The Descent (RA USA, Blu-ray)
• 6 AM: Suspiria: Definitive Edition (R2 Italy, DVD)
• 12 PM: Inferno (R2 Italy, DVD)
• 6 PM: Underworld: Extended Cut (R0 Germany, HD DVD)

Unfortunately, I’ll be out at work all day tomorrow, so I won’t be on hand to post links to the reviews themselves until I get home. If you just have to be at the front of the queue, I suggest you loiter around DVD Times and watch out for them as they materialise. Unless you have anything better to do, that is.

Madre di musica

Messaggerie Digitali has made the score to Mother of Tears available as a downloadable album for the price of €9.90. Personally, I’m going to wait for my order of the physical CD from MovieGrooves, which should be dispatching in early November, but the Messaggerie Digitali site allows you to sample the first 30 seconds of each of the 46 tracks. Just be warned that the track titles are very spoiler-intensive.

In sickness and in health…

Sometimes, it seems as if every horror fan apart from myself has seen Showtime’s Masters of Horror series in its entirety. Now with two seasons of thirteen episodes each to its name, it seems like everyone has an opinion on each and every one of them. Until recently, I’d only seen Dario Argento’s two offerings, Jenifer in Season 1 and Pelts in Season 2. My phenomenal disappointment at their lacklustre quality played no small part in my lack of interest in seeking out the rest of the series: after all, if my favourite director couldn’t manage to bring anything to the table, what hope was there for the rest of ‘em?

Recently, however, I picked up the first two volumes of Anchor Bay’s Blu-ray release of Season 1, containing episodes by John Carpenter, Stuart Gordon, William Malone, Argento, Lucky McKee and John Landis. Impressed by McKee’s theatrical debut, May, one of my favourite horror films of the last decade, I jumped straight to his tale, Sick Girl, not sure at all of what to expect.

What’s strange is that, although McKee only has two feature films under his belt (one of which hadn’t been released when Sick Girl aired, and which I’ve yet to see), it’s still clear from the outset that his “style” is all over the production in a way that it just wasn’t for Dario Argento with Jenifer. If you’ve seen May, you’ll immediately recognise this as the work of the same director. All of his obsessions are present: we’ve got quirky outcasts, we’ve got lesbians, we’ve got Angela Bettis (playing a quirky outcast lesbian - how’s that for value for money?), we’ve got gloomy old buildings, we’ve got a slow, building sense of dread, we’ve got Jaye Barnes Luckett’s off-kilter score, we’ve got a scene in which two lovers watch a movie that can only be described as the creation of a deranged mind… Essentially, Sick Girl is treading much of the same ground as May, but McKee has got this formula down pat, and I for one didn’t object to a second outing.

The plot focuses on Ida Teeter (Bettis), a throaty-voiced scientist whose speciality is bugs. So fond of her beloved insects is she that her apartment is filled with them, much to the disgust of her frosty landlady, Mrs. Beasley (Marcia Bennett), and, when an unusually large and vicious, and seemingly unknown, specimen is mysteriously delivered to her door, she can’t keep the excitement out of her voice. Things get going when Ida, egged on by her lab partner, Max (Jesse Hlubik), plucks up the courage to approach Misty Falls (Erin Brown), a shy, reclusive girl who spends each day drawing pixies in the foyer of Ida’s workplace, and ask her out. Quicker than Max can say “ladies in lust”, Ida and Misty are having hot, rambunctious sex on the sofa, and Misty is moving into the apartment. It’s all sweetness and fairycakes… until, that is, Ida’s new bug takes a liking to Misty and… well, you can probably guess what happens next.

Okay, not the most thrilling of plots, as I’m sure you’ll agree, but McKee handles it with applomb. Like May, it goes nowhere in a hurry, taking care to establish its characters and allow the audience to come to like them before the “horror” segment of this Masters of Horror episode gets going. And Ida and Misty are likeable. They’re both quirky and oddly charming, and McKee portrays them with affection rather than as grotesque parodies of social outcasts. Yes, they’re weird, but in an endearing and frequently amusing way.

Much of this is down to the performances of the two leads, with Angela Bettis, while not delivering to quite the same level as she did in May, handling the awkward and stone-faced Ida with considerable skill. Erin Brown, meanwhile, seems to be channeling Amber Benson, initially at least. Beyond the more obvious issue of her orientation, Misty is so similar to Tara in Buffy the Vampire Slayer in terms of shyness, clothes, hairstyle and mannerisms that it’s a wonder 20th Century Fox haven’t sued for plagiarism. She’s also very good in the role, though, and handles her character’s slow transformation effectively. I was surprised, to put it mildly, to discover that she is actually a porn actress, better known to her fans as Misty Mundae.

Once the horror elements begin to fly, they do so with abundance. The climax is a deliciously twisted piece of filmmaking, with one of the most over the top but strangely convincing transformation I’ve seen in a while, all created with practical effects (no CGI muck here). I read a review which described this as the David Cronenberg film that David Cronenberg never made, and I can definitely see the similarities between this and the likes of Naked Lunch (and, presumably, The Fly, which I should be seeing for the first time soon), in its merging of humans and prosthetic insects. And hey, just in case this sounds like a bit of a downer, McKee even throws a happy ending at us out of left field, albeit one laced with a hefty dose of black humour.

One of my main criticisms of Jenifer and Pelts was that their scenarios were too thin and inconsequential to fill an hour’s running time. With Sick Girl, conversely, I felt exactly the opposite: I wanted the episode to last longer, and I suspect that, if it had, it would have avoided the third act seeming so rushed. It might also have allowed more depth to be given to the secondary characters, Max and Mrs. Beasley, who are merely one-note stereotypes (the sex-obsessed man and the “degenerate”-hating old woman). Still, for what it was, I enjoyed Sick Girl considerably more than I was expecting to. I’m not quite sure how McKee got to be labelled as a Master of Horror on the back of two films, but this episode confirmed my belief that he is a filmmaker worth watching out for.

The digital restoration bandits claim another victim

If you’ve read even a few posts on this site relating to the image quality of DVD and HD materials, you’ll know that to call me a bit of a perfectionist would be understating the case somewhat. Simply put, I believe that, if you’re going to do a job, you should make sure it’s a good one, and that there is no excuse for the vast majority of substandard transfers being put out at full price.

Now, poor presentations are bad enough when they are simply the result of a bad encoding job. Edge enhancement, filtering, over-zealous compression - all these things, when added at the stage when the DVD itself is being encoded, are disappointing to say the least, but they are not the end of the world. Someone else can always come along and try again later - see What Have You Done to Solange? for an example of a poor quality older edition being superseded by a new edition which went back to the original source materials and rectified the mistakes that had previously been made. It becomes so much worse, however, when a company spends a large amount of money to restore a film and, in the process buggers it up. Such a situation is always problematic because, often, the new master that is created becomes the de facto standard for any number of future iterations. Create a high definition master of an ageing film and, for some time to come, this master is going to be used by every Tom, Dick and Harry who wants to release the film on DVD, HD DVD, Blu-ray or any format of their choice, rather than going through the costly (and, in their eyes, pointless) process of returning to the original source materials and creating a new master.

Now, along comes Suspiria, one of my favourite films of all time, and one which has a very distinctive look that is absolutely paramount to its enjoyment. Basically, mess up Suspiria’s transfer, and you mess up the whole experience. Now, recently, a brand new restoration of Suspiria was commissioned, going back to the original negative (which, apparently, was in a state of some disrepair) and minting a fresh high definition master. This master, it seems safe to assume, will be with us for some time to come, and is likely to be the first port of call for any company wanting to release the film.

I have but a single question for Technicolor, who handled this restoration:

What the fuck have you done to one of my favourite films?

Here is a screen capture from the 2001 Anchor Bay release of the film. It shows a flash of lighting illuminating the screen as Mater Suspiriorum’s lair self-destructs.

Now, take a look at the same frame as seen in CDE’s so-called “Definitive Edition”, recently released on DVD in Italy in a special commemorative metal tin.

It gets worse. Suzy rushes down the corridor as it rips itself apart before her very eyes. Anchor Bay:

CDE:

Ayeee! Crayola attack! Goodbye, shadow detail! Hello, blown-out highlights!

Want more? Anchor Bay:

CDE:

Suzy is as horrified as I am when someone shines a yellow floodlight at her!

There’s just no stopping these restoration “artists” and their state of the art technology. Anchor Bay:

CDE:

Think you’ve seen it all? Think again. Anchor Bay:

CDE:

They’re having a laugh, surely? Anchor Bay:

CDE:

I hope you chumps kept the damn receipt when you commissioned this! Anchor Bay:

CDE:

Suzy and I are kindred spirits. After the horrors we had both encountered, the only way we could come to terms with the ordeal was to laugh it off.

Right, joking over, Technicolor has some serious explaining to do. Unless this is a simple case of a technical glitch that somehow made its way past every single stage of quality control (and I don’t see how it could be), then someone is guilty of tampering with, nay, wilfully vandalising a work of art in the worst possible way. Let’s see if I can do the same. Don’t you think Whistler’s Mother looks better with the contrasts jacked? Not even Mr. Bean could do as admirable a restoration job.

And hey, how about the Mona Lisa? That could do with some light digital tweaking for the twenty-first century, couldn’t it?

I mean seriously, guys, Jesus! Did no-one stop to think that maybe, just maybe, what you were doing was a bit shitty? This is not how you treat a classic that has built up a justly deserved reputation for being one of the most visually spellbinding films ever created. Seriously, this makes what Anchor Bay did to the film’s audio mix on their DVD seem virtually irrelevant. “Definitive Edition” my left teste.