Reviews

Halloween reviews special: Seven Notes in Black

Had it contained an English audio track as the packaging states, this could probably have been accepted as the definitive version of Seven Notes in Black. As it stands, however, this oversight means that, despite the generally impressive transfer and in-depth extras, this release is seriously flawed. Hopefully, one day, there will be a legitimate English-language release of the film. Until then, however, it’s disappointing that most English speakers can only watch this underrated entry in Fulci’s filmography by means of an illegal bootleg.

Released last year, Neo Publishing’s 2-disc Collector’s Edition of Seven Notes in Black combines an underrated Lucio Fulci film with an exhaustive set of extras. I’ve reviewed the R2 French release, which annoyingly lacks the English audio track listed on the packaging.

Halloween reviews special: Constantine

Constantine is no masterpiece - Keanu Reeves’ performance is pretty cringe-inducing, and the combination of po-faced religious themes and gung-ho demon-slaying doesn’t exactly work very well - but, as demo material, this disc has a lot to offer. Fans of the film would certainly appreciate the upgrade from standard definition, while audiophiles and casual viewers alike will get a kick out of the superior TrueHD audio.

I’ve reviewed Warner’s HD DVD release of Constantine, pitting Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz against demons from the very depths of Hell. This R0 US disc features an impressive array of extras, a decent if flawed transfer, and a superb TrueHD audio mix.

Halloween reviews special: Plot of Fear

Plot of Fear may disappoint viewers who like their gialli exotic or camp, and as a straight murder mystery, it’s not perfect. Still, as an example of the genre at its more serious and downtrodden, this is a compelling thriller with a palpable atmosphere of pessimism and distrust. It may lack the grandeur of an Argento or the viscera of a Fulci, but Cavara’s film is a fine addition to the genre and one that can boast to offer something slightly different from the usual run of animal-titled chic slashers.

I return to the world of the giallo with a review of Plot of Fear, a bleak 1976 thriller from Paolo Cavara, starring Corinne Clery. Raro Video’s R0 Italian DVD offers both English and Italian audio but features a disappointing transfer and a lack of extras.

Halloween: the countdown begins

I’ve now finalised the list of reviews that will be going live this Halloween at DVD Times. Unfortunately, I’ve had to cut back a little on my original projected list of titles due to a lack of time and, in some instances, motivation, but you should still be seeing six horror-themed reviews from me (plus a few from other contributors), so you shouldn’t want for lack of reading. The schedule looks like this:

• October 30th, 6 AM: Plot of Fear (R0 Italy, SD DVD)
• October 30th, 12 PM: Constantine (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• October 30th, 6 PM: Seven Notes in Black: Collector’s Edition (R2 France, SD DVD)
• October 31st, 12 AM: Corpse Bride (R0 USA, HD DVD)
• October 31st, 12 PM: The Machinist (R0 Japan, HD DVD)
• October 31st, 6 PM: Death Laid an Egg (R2 Japan, SD DVD)

Of these, all but Corpse Bride are written and ready to go.

I also intend to watch several horror-themed films over the next few days, including some old favourites, like Rosemary’s Baby, The Omen, Suspiria and Inferno. Time will tell, of course, whether I actually manage to keep to that, but I live in hope. At any rate, the TV schedules look as piss-poor as usual for October 31st, so it looks as if I’m going to have to provide my own playlist, as usual.

The Exorcist coming to HD DVD

Source: AV Science Forum

It would appear that William Friedkin’s The Exorcist will be making its way to HD DVD at some point. Amazon.com have added it to their catalogue, and they’re generally very cagey about what they include on their site, which suggests that it’s in the pipeline. There’s no release date yet - perhaps this year, perhaps next - and you can’t order it yet, but you can sign up to be notified when it becomes in stock.

As you probably know, I haven’t been this film’s greatest proponent. I’ve seen it three or four times now, and found myself liking it a little better each time, but I’ve never been absolutely wild about it (you can read my most recent throughts on it from back in May 2006), but I’m currently reading William Peter Blatty’s novel upon which the film was based (thanks, Lee!), and two things are quite apparent. One, the film is extremely faithful to the book (I’m not sure whether that’s necessarily a good or a bad thing). Two, it’s a damn good book, and, given the aforementioned faithfulness, I think a fourth (or is that fifth?) rewatch of the film would probably seal the deal for me.

Now, with an HD DVD release seemingly imminent, I’m not going to rush out and by an old-fashioned DVD, but will instead bide my time until the high definition version comes out. Warner have something of a history of not announcing HD DVDs until the very last minute, so it could be mere weeks away… although, of course, it could be much longer. One thing’s for sure: I really hope they release William Friedkin’s original theatrical cut rather than that clumsy monstrosity Blatty hacked together back in 1998, complete with ridiculous CGI “scares” as well as mood- and pace-killing scenes and lines of dialogue that were left out for a good reason. “The Version You’ve Never Seen”? More like “The Version You’ll Wish You’d Never Seen”.

We used to be friends

Back when I watched the first season of Veronica Mars, my reaction to it was somewhat apathetic. Generally speaking, I found the plotting inconsistent, the characters generic and at times grating, and the whole Southern California high school/beach vibe rather off-putting. This afternoon, however, I brought out the DVDs again and made my way through the first disc, encompassing the first four episodes. I actually found myself enjoying it a lot more this time round. Perhaps it’s because, like so many mystery-oriented stories, it’s fun to go back and spot all the clues while being aware of the outcome, but the plotting strikes me as being considerably more accomplished than I first realised. You can definitely see the seeds being laid for the various mini-mysteries that will be solved over the course of the season, as well as the big ones that aren’t paid off until the final episode.

Suffice to say, I think I may have misjudged this show. Indeed, I’ve ordered the recently-released DVD set of Season 2 from MovieTyme. I haven’t seen any of this season, so it should be interesting.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Warner’s HD DVD release of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is pretty good, but disappoints with regard to its transfer and the lacklustre quality of the In-Movie Experience. As such, I’d hestitate to call this a must-buy for those who already own the standard definition 2-disc edition, although it obviously constitutes a considerable improvement in terms of image quality.

I’ve reviewed Warner’s recently released HD DVD of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Sporting an exclusive audio commentary and In-Movie Experience, how does it compare to its standard definition predecessor?

Corpse Bride - Warner finally hits a home run

My review copy of the recently released HD DVD of Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride arrived today. You can read my overall opinions of it in the post I made when I rented the standard definition DVD back in February, and they haven’t changed all that much (although I did find myself appreciating the art direction slightly more this time round), but of all the various blockbuster releases that I was offered by DVD Times, it struck me as being one of the more interesting.

Anyway, I’ve been a little critical of Warner’s HD DVDs in the past. Million Dollar Baby and Constantine were both edge enhanced and slightly noise reduced, while Charlie and the Chocolate Factory looked noticeably diffuse (a flaw also affecting the HD broadcast master) and suffered from a few instances of compression artefacts, so I was a little apprehensive about Corpse Bride. Luckily, the results are considerably better than I was expecting - indeed, this is one of the best HD DVDs I’ve seen so far, beaten only by the majestic Serenity and the flawless Unleashed in terms of visual pizzazz. Edge enhancement is non-existent, contrast is spot-on, colours (in the saturated “Land of the Dead” sequences) are a joy to behold. This is so close to being a perfect transfer, and is marred only by a few mild instances of digital banding in the colours in the background. I feel slightly bad about knocking a mark off the score for these minor problems, but, with my high definition reviews, I want a 10/10-rated transfer to really mean absolute perfection.

Oh yeah, and I pre-ordered the HD DVD of Wolf Creek from DVD Pacific. It’s due out on December 5th.

The Fox and the Hound: 25th Anniversary Edition

The 25th Anniversary Edition of The Fox and the Hound is comfortably the worst release Disney have put out in a long time, with the state of the film itself and the paltry extras suggesting that more thought was put into designing the packaging than the contents of the disc itself. As such, I can think of no reason for anyone to purchase this sorry excuse for a special edition - you’d be just as well waiting for it to show up on TV again, as it generally does every Christmas or Easter.

I’ve reviewed Disney’s recent 25th Anniversary Edition release of The Fox and the Hound, an often ignored 1981 offering from the studio based on the book by Daniel P. Mannix. How does this new release match up against its disappointing predecessors?

Delivery deluge

Today has been quite a day for deliveries, with the HD DVD releases of The Machinist and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the latter a review copy) and the DVD of the 25th Anniversary edition of The Fox and the Hound (again, for review) all arriving.

I’m going to discuss The Machinist first because it’s definitely the most noteworthy of the three arrivals. It constitutes several first for me: my first non-US HD DVD (it’s Japanese), my first HD DVD from a distributor other than one of the major Hollywood studios (it’s a Toshiba release), and my first HD DVD using MPEG4/AVC/H.264 as its compression format rather than VC1.

I was a little wary regarding this release given the mixed reports that have come through so far regarding Toshiba’s Japanese releases, all of which have used MPEG4 rather than VC1. Essentially, MPEG4 has been characterised as an inferior format, and I was expecting to be a bit let down by The Machinist. I needn’t have worried: it looks excellent, and in places is up there with Serenity in terms of detail. For the most part, the image is razor-sharp, and the grain, too, looks excellent. The Machinist is stylistically a very harsh film, with heavily desaturated colours and very pronounced contrasts. All of this is maintained with aplomb on the HD DVD.

Unfortunately, it is slightly marred by a few instances of unsightly edge enhancement. I should point out, however, that this was actually present when I saw the film at the cinema. It was the first time I’d ever seen edge enhancement on a projected film print, and it’s indicative of the move towards using digital intermediates as opposed to conventional chemical colour timing in a laboratory. The fact that the entire film is stored on a computer gives technicians free reign to monkey with the image until their hearts content, and it does seem that they have gone way overboard with the artificial sharpening in some shots here. These are exactly the same shots that were affected when I saw it at the cinema, so it is the filmmakers themselves who deserve the blame for this rather than Toshiba.

The film comes with English and Japanese Dolby Digital-Plus 5.1 audio tracks and Japanese subtitles, which can be disabled either on the fly using the remote control function or via the menu. A handful of extras are included - a documentary, deleted scenes, two trailers and some filmographies. For these, the subtitles unfortunately can’t be disabled. Oh yeah, and, oddly enough, this HD DVD comes in a standard amaray case, which is most annoying given that it’s a completely different size from the rest of my collection:

Meanwhile, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is, comparatively speaking, a disappointment. I’m not exactly sold on the film itself (I think Johnny Depp’s interpretation of Willy Wonka is cringe-worthily awful, the musical numbers are atrocious, and the subplot involving Christopher Lee as Wonka’s father one of the worst additions I’ve ever seen in a book-to-film adaptation), and the HD DVD’s transfer is a real let-down. Reviewers and laymen alike have been raving over it - “Best HD DVD yet!” “10/10!” and so on. Unfortunately, this is actually the worst-looking HD DVD I’ve seen so far. Like the other two Warner releases I’ve seen so far, it’s slightly edge enhanced, but, unlike Million Dollar Baby and Constantine, it’s also quite soft. Some of this is intentional - as with The Machinist, it was digitally colour timed, and Tim Burton, it would seem, took the opportunity to add a further touch of artificiality to the movie by cranking up the automated spot remover beyond what most people would consider a reasonable level. A lot of the time, the actors’ faces, even in close-up, look like those of porcelain dolls, and in some scenes, such as the early flashback to when Grandpa Joe worked at the factory, they look waxy and smeared.

These are not, however, the fault of the HD DVD. What is, however, is the overall diffuse look of the film. Throughout, it looks ill-defined and almost outright blurry, but for one occasion: the first Oompa-Loompa musical number after Augustus Gloop has been sucked into the pipes of the chocolate river. Suddenly, the softening disappears and, for a few brief moments, it becomes a 10/10 transfer. The grain that was sorely missing comes back, the individual blades of grass stop being merely a swathe of poorly-defined green, and it all seems much more three-dimensional. It doesn’t last, though, and, almost as soon as the song has finished, it goes back to its murky, diffuse look, which remains for the rest of the film.

Also problematic is the encoding. This is the first time that I’ve seen noticeable compression problems on an HD DVD, but they are here for all to see. I don’t have the specific time code references to hand (I’ll make sure to note these down when I come to do my official DVD Times review), but on at least three occasions, parts of the screen disintegrate into mushy macroblocks. One occasion involves swirling melted chocolate, while the other takes place in the midst of a series of explosions as Charlie, Wonka and Grandpa Joe right the Great Glass Elevator. These can’t have been easy scenes to compress, but this is the first time I’ve seen an HD DVD encode slip up so badly, and I genuinely hope it’s not the start of a trend. Although, given the rave reviews the transfer has been getting, even from so-called experts, I have my fears.

Finally, The Fox and the Hound, and it’s the least impressive of today’s deliveries by far. Actually, it’s a downright disgrace. Despite being promoted and packaged as some sort of 25th anniversary special edition, Disney have done a really crummy job with it. In terms of extras, there seems to be nothing here that wasn’t already present in the underwhelming line-up for the previously-released UK version of the film - we’re talking a rudimentary behind-the-scenes featurette, a couple of bonus shorts, a sing-along and a narrated “storybook”.

Of course, what really counts is the audio-visual presentation, and I’m sorry to report that it’s a complete disaster. First, the original mono mix of the film is nowhere to be seen. In its place is a Dolby Digital 5.1 remix, which sounds weak and clumsy, and very clearly wrong. Worse still is the transfer, which is nothing more than a recycle of the pan and scan LaserDisc master used for the previous DVD. That Disney would put out something so shoddy in this day and age is an absolute joke, and I am very strongly recommending that anyone thinking about picking up a copy of this seriously reconsider before plonking down a wad of cash for this lazy botch-job. This is 0/10 for video, 0/10 for audio - who are they trying to kid?

Update, October 17, 2006 03:55 PM: Regular Disney DVD reviewer Dave Boulet, whose comments about The Little Mermaid’s transfer were right on the money, has given The Fox and the Hound’s DVD an absolute savaging at DVD File - and, for once, I actually find myself nodding my head in agreement as I read a review.

The Omen (remake)

Fox have served up an acceptable enough disc for their remake of The Omen, but, given how utterly shoddy the film itself is, there’s really nothing to recommend here at all. I would strongly advise anyone contemplating picking up a copy of this remake to instead seek out the infinitely superior original, now available in an excellent 2-disc Collector’s Edition set.

Haven’t we seen this film before? I’ve reviewed the 2006 remake of The Omen, a lazy piece of filmmaking that seems to exist for no reason other than its 6/6/06 release date. Fox’s R2 UK DVD is serviceable enough, but the old adage applies: you can’t polish a turd.

Today is Darkplace day!

Just a reminder to everyone that the UK DVD of Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, Channel 4’s best show in years and one of the funniest spoofs I’ve ever seen, is finally released today in stores for all to buy.

Check out my review at DVD Times if you’re not already convinced, or, if you are, head over to Play.com and pick it up for only £11.99.

Hurry, or Dean Learner will have to go back into skin.

Dial M for Masterpiece

Most people have a favourite Hitchcock film. If you have any interest in cinema - hell, provided you own a television - you cannot have failed to come into contact with several of his masterpieces. Ask anyone which is their favourite Hitchcock film, and chances are they’ll name one of the following: Rebecca, Notorious, North by Northwest, Rear Window, The Birds, Psycho, Vertigo. Broadly speaking, I like all of these films, and would consider a number of them to be among the best ever created. My personal favourite Hitchcock, however, is a little unusual, in that it’s one of Hitchcock’s least Hitchcockian efforts: Dial M for Murder.

I first came into contact with this film as part of the Media Studies class I took in my final year at school. When it started, I initially thought “Oh no, not a crummy 1950s drama” (I was rather set in my ways regarding movie-watching preferences back then). But, as the minutes ticked by, I found myself getting drawn into the narrative in a way that really hadn’t happened to me before. More than anything else, I was struck by the intelligence of the script as Ray Milland, in the most wonderful gleeful bastard mode, reeled the hapless Anthony Dawson into his diabolically twisted plan. The script is ingenious: a backwards whodunit in which we are told verbally, in extreme detail, precisely how a murder is going to be committed, before showing it happening and going horribly wrong, despite the fact that its instigator thinks he’s covered every possible angle.

Hitchcock isn’t really doing anything hugely revolutionary with the camera here, although the film is noteworthy for being designed to be projected in 3D, a choice made all the more bizarre by the very static, stage-confined nature of the script (based on a play). As such, this film doesn’t cry out for attention in the manner of Vertigo or The Birds, both of which featured major technical innovations. Instead, it’s quietly confident and decidedly dependent on the writing and acting, both of which are top-notch.

One of these days, I’m going to write a full-blown review of this film. Until then, I just want to reiterate how great I think this film is. No, it doesn’t really stretch any boundaries, and I can’t really imagine it having been much of a stretch for Hitchcock to direct. But I’ve probably watched it more than any of his other films and, despite having seen it so many times, I still enjoy it just as much every time I dig it out and watch it again as I did when I first saw it back in 2000. Excellent stuff.

Halloween: what can you expect?

As I’m sure won’t have escaped your notice, Halloween 2006 is only slightly over two weeks away. DVD Times always does a special round-up of scary reviews to coincide with the special event, and in the past I’ve always made a point of contributing as many as I can. This year will be no exception, and I’ve got several titles in the pipeline that I intend to cover.

This year, I’m going to make a point of reviewing as much HD DVD material as possible. Unfortunately, high definition horror films are a little scarce at the moment, but I’ve been able to come up with a few:

• Constantine
• Land of the Dead
• The Machinist
• Sleepy Hollow

In addition to those, I’ll be covering some standard definition releases as well:

• The Beyond: Limited Edition (R0 USA)
• Death Laid an Egg (R2 Japan)
• Plot of Fear (R0 Italy)
• Seven Notes in Black: Collector’s Edition (R2 France)

Obviously, I can’t guarantee that every single one of these will be finished in time, but I wrote Plot of Fear’s review today, so it at least should be going up.

Update, November 04, 2006 10:43 AM: I’m disabling commenting on this entry because it seems to be attracting an inordinate amount of spam.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I must confess that, ultimately, I’m undecided on how I feel about Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There are times when it annoys me so much that I want to put a brick through my television, and yet at the same time it holds a perverse fascination for me. I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say I like it, but it’s certainly unique among films: an amoral, anarchic binge of a movie that, despite its cast of Hollywood A-listers, could never truly be described as mainstream. As such, it’s very much one of those titles that everyone has to experience for themselves. Unashamedly a work of style over substance (which is no bad thing), I’m sure everyone’s reaction to it will be different. Who knows? You may like it a lot more than me. Or a lot less.

A surprise candidate for an HD DVD release, Terry Gilliam’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas arrives in high definition courtesy of Universal, whose R0 US release constitutes a massive improvement in image quality over its standard definition releases, but disappoints in terms of extras. Review at DVD Times.

The Buffy ratings graph

Click to enlarge.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 7 (2002-2003)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 7

Season 7 reviews:

• Episode 1: Lessons 6/10
• Episode 2: Beneath You 7/10
• Episode 3: Same Time, Same Place 8/10
• Episode 4: Help 8/10
• Episode 5: Selfless 7/10
• Episode 6: Him 6/10
• Episode 7: Conversations with Dead People 8/10
• Episode 8: Sleeper 5/10
• Episode 9: Never Leave Me 4/10
• Episode 10: Bring on the Night 4/10
• Episode 11: Showtime 4/10
• Episode 12: Potential 3/10
• Episode 13: The Killer in Me 2/10
• Episode 14: First Date 2/10
• Episode 15: Get it Done 3/10
• Episode 16: Storyteller 2/10
• Episode 17: Lies My Parents Told Me 5/10
• Episode 18: Dirty Girls 4/10
• Episode 19: Empty Places 2/10
• Episode 20: Touched 3/10
• Episode 21: End of Days 3/10
• Episode 22: Chosen 7/10

So what happened? I wish I knew, but one thing’s for sure, Season 7 takes away the grand prize as the worst season of Buffy ever. Actually, I’d be willing to extend that to the whole Buffyverse, since, while Angel was never as good as Buffy at its best, it never plunged to these depths. Season 7 walks away with an average rating of 4.68/10, which is lower even than Season 6’s 4.95. To tell the truth, I’m actually surprised by this, since, while Season 7 is in my mind definitely the weaker of the two overall, it never gets as bad as Hell’s Bells. I said it before, but it’s worth repeating: Season 6 has a trainwreck quality to it where it’s actually interesting to watch, provided you can detach yourself from the events enough to see how ridiculous it all is, whereas Season 7 is, for the most part, just plain tedious. Yes, the characterisation is inconsistent, the adherence to continuity non-existant and the direction often inept, but these issues could probably have been somewhat excused had the whole thing not been so flipping yawn-inducing. I’m serious, I’ve lost track of the number of times during the final few episodes I considered just hitting the fast-forward button and getting it over with.

So, to return to my original question, what went wrong? The most popular theory is that Joss Whedon stopped running the show on a day-to-day basis, and the other writers were lost without him. I think this idea has considerable merit, and the massive difference between Chosen and the 14 or so episodes preceding it certainly substantiates it somewhat, but I don’t think this solution is really getting to the depths of it. Whenever a show or a movie is successful (or not), there is a tendency to attribute this to a single visionary person - the auteur theory, if you like. I think people like the notion that there is a guiding hand behind it all, an all-powerful creative force who makes all the big decisions and knows exactly where everything is going. Why? Because they like to think that someone is in control. Take them out of the mix, and they become the fall guy for the subsequent downfall. As much as I’d like to subscribe to the Joss=God theory that so many of his bumlickers espouse, though, I find it overly simplistic.

My theory is this: the writers didn’t really know what to do after Season 5. They thought the show was finished, only to discover that they had another two years to fill. They didn’t have to stick around - they could easily have found new jobs, I’m sure - but they were kind of enjoying the whole cult status they’d been raised to by a small but extremely vocal fan community. Therefore, thinking that they could do no wrong and excited by the creative carte blanche UPN had given them, they decided to go all-out and take the show in a completely different direction. In Season 5, The Body had been a massive success, as had The Gift, despite it featuring the death of the show’s main character, so the writers thought the fans would lap up a whole season of doom and gloom. Problem is, they were mistaken. People didn’t like seeing their favourite characters degraded and crapped on. (As one person, whose name I’ve forgotten, so eloquently put it, no-one wants to watch Superman flipping burgers at McDonalds.) Undeterred, though, they continued on their merry way, beating the characters and their fans into submission in the naïve belief that more is more and that, if things got really dark, the fans would come around. The only problem is that all they did was succeed in driving more viewers away, and, with the death of Tara, suddenly found themselves faced with something they’d never experienced before: a coordinated hate campaign and mass boycott from a demographic that, at one point, had been comprised of their strongest supporters.

Along comes Season 7, and apathy sets in. The odds are stacked against them. No-one is really running the show, or cares to. They know people didn’t like their grand scheme of doom and darkness from Season 6. They know there are now people who actively hate their guts and have stated that they will boycott any shows with which they are involved. They know that a number of their actors aren’t happy with the direction in which they’ve gone. They don’t know whether or not Sarah Michelle Gellar wants to be involved with another season, and they know they can’t continue without her. However, they can’t reconcile the fans’ demands for more lighthearted Season 1-3 style fun with the fact that they need to go out with a big finish. So, they head off down an awkward path without any real firm grasp of direction. Along the way, the viewing figures dwindle. Amber Benson, who put up with a hell of a lot of crap, including a death she had strong misgivings about and a paycheck dwarfed by that of her co-stars, refuses to appear on the show on their terms, and starts becoming a martyr figure for the demographic that is boycotting the show. And so on and so forth. These are hardly ideal conditions under which to produce a show, so it’s ultimately hardly surprising that the final season sucks as bad as it does. If Season 6 failed because its writers thought they were untouchable, then Season 7 failed even more drastically because they realised, the hard way, that they were only too human. And yet the arrogance continued: one of the most stomach-churning things I ever read was a post by Jane Espenson in a thread where people were arguing about Tara’s death, where she bluntly told hurt fans that, because she held an English Literature degree, she was right and they were wrong.

In the end, I can only repeat what I’ve already said: Buffy should have ended with Season 5. The story was told. There was no point in flogging a dead horse. And yet they continued to do it anyway. As a result, they turned what could have been one of the few shows to generally go out on an all-time high into something that plodded on for another two years before dying with a whimper, which is a really sad legacy.

Update, December 19, 2006 05:52 PM: Fixed a bunch of dead links.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 7, Episode 22: Chosen

Written and Directed by Joss Whedon

Eventually, all good things must come to an end - or, as the final two seasons of Buffy prove, all bad things too. The series finale is a commendable attempt to go out with a bang, but given everything that’s come before it, it all seems a bit hollow. Compared with masterful season finales like Restless, or even the show’s true (in my opinion) series finale, The Gift, Chosen is nothing special. The only thing that distinguishes it from any other showdown is the scale of the battle and the amount of destruction left in its wake - so it’s basically quantity over quality.

Still, this feels more like an episode of Buffy than the chain of 14 or so mediocre-to-crap episodes that have preceded it. The characters actually seem to be, well, in character, and the actors look a little more engaged than they have been for some time (I guess they all just couldn’t wait to get it over with). Unfortunately, those hoping for some serious character moments between Buffy, Willow, Giles and Xander will be supremely disappointed. All we get is a false-sounding and painfully staged little conversation full of blithe quips and laughing in the face of danger that tries but fails to recapture the mood of the early seasons. Plus, the inside of the Hellmouth is kind of disappointing - it’s basically just a big cave.

And it doesn’t help that Buffy’s genius scheme to finish off the First once and for all is anything but. Giles says it’s “bloody brilliant” - but it’s not, it’s just as stupid as every other plan she’s had this season. Wander into the jaws of doom and hope she can beat the bad guys? She also tells the Potentials “So here’s where you make a choice” - only she isn’t giving them a choice. She’s turning every Potential in the world into a full-blooded Slayer, whether they want it or not. The title of the episode is Chosen, after all, as in “chosen by Buffy”, not “choose for yourself”. For a show that’s meant to be about girly power and free will, that’s a hell of a lot of girls forced to do something they probably don’t want. And precisely why does she suddenly decide that Willow can use the Scythe to do this anyway? This really is a season where you’re expected to just shut up and accept everything you’re told.

Other niggles. How come the Ubervamps, one of which took Buffy two whole episodes to defeat, can now be sliced down in droves by everyone, including Dawn? How come Sunnydale, which has been shown to have docks and a beach, is now in the middle of the desert? And is the First even actually defeated? Sure, the Hellmouth collapses into itself, disposing of all the evil festering inside it, but, if there’s another one in Cleveland, and LA is such a disaster zone, then one must presume that they’re two-a-penny. Also, Anya’s death was pointless and crummy. I get that Joss Whedon was pissed at Emma Caulfield for saying she would quit even if the show got renewed, but there was no call for that “blink and you’ll miss it” exit, or for the complete lack of compassion anyone feels for her demise. For Christ’s sake, Xander and Andrew (why is he still alive?) are the only people who even notice she’s not there, and Xander barely seems concerned at all. And that shot of the little girl in the baseball court becoming “empowered” is probably the single most cringe-inducing moment in the entire series.

Complaints aside, though, I can’t deny that I got a sense of excitement during the final battle. It’s all basically smoke and mirrors (i.e. a whole lot of explosions and stunts, but no real substance), but it’s considerably less boring than, say, Touched, and less offensive than Grave last year. Yes, Willow’s still hooked up with her rebound girl so Joss Whedon can show that he doesn’t hate lesbians after all (personally, I’ll bet she ditches her immediately after the final fade to black), but her whiz-bang display of white power (eep, that sounded a lot more racist than I was intending) does suggest that she’s managed to overcome the darkness inside her. Spike saves the world and goes out in a fantastic display of fireworks and burning flesh - I have a feeling Giles will have some humble pie to eat for trying to have him killed! (Only, of course, Spike shows up on Angel next season, making his death as meaningless as pretty much every other one on the show.) And I’ve decided that I like Vi - she’s the least annoying Potential.

I’ll give them credit: they went out with a bang. No, it doesn’t make up for the horrors inflicted upon us over the past two years, but all things considered, it could have been a hundred times worse.

Overall rating: 7/10.

Next time: this is no next time! Hooray! I’m free!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 7, Episode 21: End of Days

Written by Jane Espenson and Douglas Petrie; Directed by Marita Grabiak

In this episode, Buffy finds a magic scythe that will help her defeat the undefeatable Caleb. (And Willow actually utters the line “So it’s true, scythe matters”. This, I suppose, is what passes for comedy in a show that was at one point quite funny.) Also, the First suddenly decides it wants to become corporeal (why???) and merges itself with Caleb to create a super-Caleb… whom Buffy still seems to find easier to defeat than the normal one. And Angel shows up with yet another surprise magical artefact that has never been mentioned before but will apparently aid Buffy in the final fight. Convenient.

Overall rating: 3/10.

Next time: Chosen. Thank god, finally!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 7, Episode 20: Touched

Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner; Directed by David Solomon

Oh, look, see how chaotic and disastrous everything is without Buffy around to be a leader? Great. Then why did you spend the last few episodes making her look like such a crap leader? It’s pretty obvious no-one knew what was going on at this stage, and the writers were each off doing their own thing without paying any attention to continuity.

Again, not much happening. Chaos, chaos, chaos in the Summers residence. The First appears to Faith in the guise of the Mayor and it looks like it might get interesting, but then nothing comes of it, apart from her suddenly deciding to shag Wood. Actually, everyone’s getting it on in this episode: Wood and Faith, Willow and Kennedy (in the most awkward sex scene of the century), Xander and Anya (in yet another round of post-break-up sex)… except Buffy, who spends the night in the house of some guy she tossed out, sharing a cuddle with Spike on the anniversary of his attempted rape of her.

Overall rating: 3/10.

Next time: End of Days.